Having mental capacity means being able to make your own decisions. Sometimes people lack mental capacity because of things like mental health issues or learning disabilities. A person might not be able to give consent if an illness or a disability makes it hard for them to:
understand what they are consenting to
understand what might happen to them as a result of it
When someone has taken drugs or drunk alcohol, they might not be in control of themselves or have full mental capacity, so they can’t fully consent. Maybe they don’t understand what they’re agreeing to, or what might happen to them as a result of it. This includes any kind of sexual activity, like kissing, sexual touching, oral sex or penetrative sex.
People may feel under pressure to do something for lots of different reasons. These include peer pressure (pressure from people your own age), or not wanting to let someone down. If you do something because you feel pressured to, this isn’t enthusiastic consent.
Sometimes a person may feel pressured or forced to do something because someone else has threatened them. If anyone feels threatened into doing something, they can’t give enthusiastic consent.
Threats can include:
physical violence
ending the relationship
sharing nudes of you with other people
telling other people personal information about you
A person may also feel pressured into sexual activity if someone else won’t stop asking them. If someone agrees to any sexual activity because they’ve been asked over and over and they feel under pressure, this isn’t enthusiastic consent. No means no.
In England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland, the law says that the legal age of consent is 16. This means that sex with someone under 16 is called “underage sex”, and it’s against the law.
Children under 13 years old are given extra protection by the law. The law says that they can’t consent to any sexual activity. Even if a person who’s under 13 says it’s okay to have sex, legally it’s still classed as rape. And any other sexual activity with them is classed as sexual assault. For more information about this please see our page on sex and the law.
Members of the same family can’t consent to having sexual activity with each other, even if they’re over 16 and a similar age.
This includes siblings, half-siblings, step-siblings, aunties, uncles, parents and grandparents.
If you’ve experienced sexual abuse from a family member, it’s not your fault. To get advice and support, please contact us on our chat or email service (you don’t have to say who you are), or contact Childline.
If there’s a difference in power between two people, the person with less power may not be able to give enthusiastic consent.
There are many things that can affect whether a relationship feels equal.
Some examples:
big age gaps – where one person is more mature and seems to be more in charge of what they do
job roles that give one person power over the other, like with teachers and students, or a boss and an employee
different personal status, with one person being more popular, or more famous – this might make them much more confident, or make the other person really want to impress them
learning disabilities and difficulties – they can mean a person struggles to understand situations or can be more easily led into sexual contact
one person needs the other person for food, money or somewhere to live
If you’re in a sexual relationship, are you giving enthusiastic consent?
There are lots of reasons why people feel they should agree to sexual activity, even if they’re not sure it is what they really want.
Here are a few examples of reasons why someone might agree to sex, even if they aren’t really sure or giving their full consent:
because I can’t decide whether I really want to
because I am under the influence of alcohol or drugs
because none of the adults around me seem worried about it
because I’ve been threatened or hurt, or they won’t stop asking me
because they are giving me something that is important to me and I am worried if I say “no” then they might stop giving it to me
because everyone else is doing it
because I need something (money, a place to stay, help) from the other person
Are any of these true for you? If so, you may want to pause and think about whether you’re really giving your full consent.
Maybe after reading all of this, you think you’ve been involved in sexual activity when you didn’t really want to. Perhaps you realise you yourself weren’t able to give consent.
Or maybe you’ve been involved in sexual activity with someone else who wasn’t able to give consent.
If any of these are true for you, you can talk to us on our email service for more support. You can also visit our Other Helpful Organisations page to find out where you can get more help.
Are you struggling?
Our advisors can give you support and advice, and you don’t have to say who you are.
A website for young people that aims to help people take control of their sexual health, enjoy healthy relationships and explore their gender or sexual identities. The website contains information on sex and relationships, changing bodies and wellbeing.
CEOP Education, part of the National Crime Agency, protect children and young people from online child sexual abuse. Their 11 to 18s website gives advice and information on topics such as online safety, relationships, sex and sexual consent.
