You’ve had sexual thoughts or feelings about younger children

And if you’ve had a one-time sexual thought about a child, this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sexually attracted to children. Remember, during adolescence, you’re changing fast and developing your sexual identity, and it’s normal for different sexual thoughts to pop into your head from time to time. 

But if you carry on having sexual thoughts about children younger than yourself, it’s a good idea to talk to someone you trust and get support. 

The most important thing to remember is that there’s a difference between thoughts and actions. 

Even when your sexual thoughts are about people your own age, it’s important to know the law on sexual actions. For example, it’s illegal to act on any sexual thoughts you have about children under 16. 

But the point of the law is not to punish young people for exploring sexual activities in a healthy and safe way. So the police will be more concerned about some cases than others. For example, if someone older is having sex with someone under 16, or if a person under 16 is being pressured into sex then the police will be more concerned.

See our page on sex and the law to learn more about what sexual behaviour is legal and what’s illegal. 

But labels can sometimes be unhelpful. 

A person’s sexuality doesn’t always fit neatly into one box or another. Also, people’s sexuality can change over time. This is especially true for adolescents, who are still developing. 

You may have come across some of the labels used to describe people who have sexual thoughts about children. 

Here at Shore, we don’t believe that using labels, especially for people under 18, is helpful. 

Try to remember that you’re a complex being who is still growing and developing. You’re still figuring out what you like and what you don’t like, and who you want to be. Your sexual thoughts and feelings, just like you, probably don’t fit neatly under a label – and that’s okay.

Talk to someone you trust

People often feel like they can’t talk to anyone about their sexual thoughts. They feel embarrassed or worried about how others will react. 

But lots of people experience difficult sexual thoughts, and getting help is an important step towards learning how to cope with them. 

Who do you have in your life that you could speak to. Maybe a parent or carer? A teacher, or another adult you trust? 

Remember, people who care about you will want to help. 

Sometimes, though, they may not know how to react at first. They might even need some advice themselves. Here are a couple of places they can get advice:

Talk to an expert

Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can be really helpful and may make you feel less alone. 

This is even more important if you’re worried that you might act on your sexual thoughts towards a child. 

Think carefully about who you talk to online, as it can be dangerous to speak about your sexual thoughts and feelings to someone you don’t know. 

Maybe try speaking to an advisor on our email service for support and advice? You don’t have to say who you are. Or see our list of other helpful organisations to find other professional support. 

Recognise your triggers

Are there certain times of the day or week when you’re more likely to have a sexual thought about a child? What sort of things trigger these thoughts? 

For example, does it happen at bedtime, or after watching particular TV programmes?

Becoming aware of your triggers and taking steps to avoid them can be a helpful, practical way to manage your thoughts. 

Remind yourself what could happen if you act on your sexual thoughts

Remember that any sexual behaviour with a child is illegal and abusive. 

It can get you into serious trouble. 

And all child sexual abuse causes very serious harm to the children who experience it.

Find appropriate ways to respond to your sexual urges

It’s completely natural to have sexual urges. And it’s important that you react to any sexual urges you have in a way that’s safe and healthy.

If you’re wondering what might help with that, why not ask an advisor on our email service for support and advice? You don’t have to say who you are.

Try out different ways of relaxing

It’s really easy to worry a lot about our sexual thoughts. It can be a struggle to let them go.

It can make a big difference to try some simple breathing exercises, or exercises to make us feel more:

• Grounded
• Mindful

There’s a list of exercises you can try, with instructions, on our managing difficult emotions page.